Zim's Secret
by Darqx
Summary: THE ENDING HAS BEEN REWRITTEN! What exactly is Zim's secret? Dib wants to find out. Now has more mild hints of slash, some OOC'ness. And PG-13 for some. . .stuff. . .and Zim in a G-string! WHOO HOO! ENJOI! Oh, and please RR!


This one-shot fic is a result of utter boredom on a Sunday morning whilst listening to some songs on the computer. SO FEAR IT!! Hwahwahwa!  
  
Hopefully, this little ficlet will be different from the others on ff.net. I dunno. The idea just hit me and continued doing the tango in my head whilst singing (think of the voice of the Gingerbread Man in Shrek) "Write me! Write me! Y'know you wanna write me! Tra la la. . ."  
  
So, yeah.  
  
"Write me! Write me. . ."  
  
KEEP IT DOWN UP THERE!  
  
A.E.D: "Ha! *whip crack* Down idea! Down! What the? NOOO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!???" *bang!* *crash!*  
  
. . .Everything ok up there A.E.D?  
  
A.E.D: *voice sounds very muffled* "WRITE IT! WRITE IT! I'm suffocating! It's smothering me! DO SOMETHING DARX AND WRITE IT ALREADY!!"  
  
Disclaimer: If we PRETEND that everything IZ belongs to me instead of He who is JHONEN VASQUEZ. . .what will you give me?  
  
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= ZIM'S SECRET =  
  
Dib was suspicious.  
  
Very suspicious in fact.  
  
Of course, Dib was always suspicious when it came to Zim.  
  
Dib glared across the classroom at the green skinned teen. It had been over six years since Zim had landed on earth, with the overwhelming intention of conquering it. Back then, Dib had been the only one to see that Zim was an alien and had set out to prove it.  
  
Now eighteen, Dib was still the only one to see that Zim was an alien and had yet to prove it.  
  
But lately, as Dib noted, a subtle change had come over the alien. Oh, he was still as loud, egotistical and bent on world domination as usual, but lately Zim had been smirking more smugly, had starting arriving at Hi Skool late and then leaving early, and once, Dib swore he had seen the alien with a crumpled, green $100 note in a gloved hand, though Zim had quickly shoved it into a pocket once Dib had approached him.  
  
The changes just made him even MORE suspicious.  
  
//Bet Zim's making another one of his fiendish plans for world domination.//  
  
Dib thought to himself and scowled.  
  
//Tonight. . .tonight I'll go over to his base and spy on him to see what he's up to. . . //  
  
~~~~~LATER THAT DAY - ABOUT 10pm~~~~~  
  
Dib yawned. He had been scoping out the alien's base since 7pm and was just about ready to give up, for even though lights streamed from the building there had been no signs of activity, save for the occassional scream, laugh or crash that was most probably Zim's insane little robot.  
  
Suddenly. . .  
  
"Gir, I'm going to work now. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT open the door for anyone until I return."  
  
//Hey, that was Zim's voice. . . wait, did he just say 'work'? As in. . .job?//  
  
Dib peeked out from behind the fence enclosing Zim's home and saw that Zim had stepped out of the front door in his pitiful human disguise and was now talking to his robot.  
  
"Not for aannyyoonnnee masta?"  
  
"Yes Gir, not for anyone. . .except me."  
  
"OKIE DOKIE! BYE MASTA!"  
  
Dib watched as Zim marched past his hiding spot and onto the street. He had two options, he could inspect Zim's base now and get proof of his alien origins, or he could follow Zim and see exactly what he . . .worked. . .as.  
  
In the end, curiousity won out and Dib quickly scampered down the street after Zim.  
  
~~~~~A FEW MINUTES LATER. . .~~~~~  
  
Dib stared at the sign over the building that Zim had disappeared into.  
  
*THE NIGHTFALL LOUNGE*  
  
That. . .couldn't be right.  
  
"Why the heck would Zim work here? Is he a bouncer or a waiter or what?" Dib wondered aloud to himself. He was thoroughly confused. And curious.  
  
Well, he DID want to find out, and really, there was only ONE way to find out.  
  
He approched the burly bouncer at the door and after a quick show of age identification, was granted access.  
  
The minute he walked through the door, Dib was bombarded with the sharp smell of alcohol and the sound of loud music and the general chatter of people. A large stage and catwalk with a pole near the end dominated a portion of the room.  
  
Which was no surprise really, since the *NIGHTFALL LOUNGE* was a rather well known nightclub and strip club.  
  
Dib (who was quite tall and so could see over most people's heads quite easily) looked around the crowd, which, he noted almost sub-conciously, was mainly made out of women and teenage girls with the odd guy scattered around, for a glimpse of familiar green skin.  
  
He couldn't see anyone who looked like they had green skin, which meant that Zim was NOT somewhere in the crowd.  
  
Which was strange, as he was sure that Zim had come into THIS building through the exact same door he had come through.  
  
So then, where was Zim?  
  
As if in answer to his question, the lights around the room dimmed and two spotlights focused on the stage. Strobe and fairy lights started blinking around the room so that the whole area blinked and flickered with different colours of light.  
  
"LAAADIIES!" A deep, disembodied voice echoed around inside the nightclub, no doubt from hidden speakers, "IT'S HIIM! THE ONE YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!"  
  
At this everyone erupted into cheers and screams of delight and ecstasy. Dib blinked. What the hell was going on? Who was the one every female was waiting for?  
  
"HE'S OUT TO ENSLAAAVE YOUR HEARTS AND CONQUER YOUR DREAMS!!! INVAAAADER ZIIIIIMM!!!!"  
  
The cheering became more frantic and rose in volume. Dib winced as a particularly hyper teenager screamed right next to his ear.  
  
Then his eyes fell on the stage, and his jaw dropped.  
  
No. . .  
  
. . .  
  
. . .  
  
Way. . .  
  
. . .  
  
. . .  
  
It couldn't be. . .  
  
. . .  
  
. . .  
  
Not. . .  
  
Zim sauntered onto the stage, looking incredibly sexy wearing tight black jeans, black boots, black elbow length gloves and a long black trenchcoat (much like the one Dib was wearing) thrown over a tight black tank top. His wig had been changed from the elvis style one he normally wore in Skool to that of cool spiky one, and, from where Dib was, one could see the two slender antennae sticking out yet slightly buried in the hair.  
  
Zim's undisguised crimson eyes swept over the fanatic crowd before grinning sensually, which caused more than a few teenagers and women to faint.  
  
And, without further ado, he shrugged off the trenchcoat and began to entertain.  
  
Dib stared, slack-jawed and unbelieving, as Zim slowly, teasingly, removed his other clothes to expose a slender green body with well defined muscles, all the while doing what could only be called very naughty dancing as he moved up and down the catwalk.  
  
At last, the alien grinned again and squinted one red eye, then slowly unzipped his jeans, much to the happiness of the ladies. There were loud screams and wolf whistles as Zim stepped out of them, swaying his hips in time to the music.  
  
Dib's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates.  
  
//Oh my god! Zim is in a G! Zim is in a G! Zim is in a G! Zim is in a very flattering, tight, black, delicious looking-//  
  
Dib suddenly became aware that his pants were suddenly too tight and that he was drooling and blushed, looking around furtively to see if anyone noticed his sudden uncomfortableness. Fortunately, all had their eyes glued on Zim, who was now pole dancing (quite proffesionally) and accepting money from the crowd.  
  
"So that's were he got the $100 bill from." Dib muttered to himself as he tried to get a certain part of his anatomy to behave.  
  
He looked up in time to see Zim look straight at him. The Irken froze, his mouth forming a little 'O' of surprise.  
  
Time seemed to stand still as the two enemies stared at each other.  
  
Suddenly, Zim broke eye contact and dashed off the stage. Dib blinked, then raced through the thick crowd, heading for the exit.  
  
He would catch Zim outside.  
  
~~~~OUTSIDE - NEAR THE *NIGHTFALL LOUNGE*~~~~  
  
Dib waited in the alleyway, listening for the sounds of footsteps.  
  
He had the perfect foolproof plan.  
  
First, timing. Dib knew that Zim had not gone pass yet. The little alien would have first gone back to the change rooms or whatever they had in nightclubs to retrieve clothes and get changed.  
  
Second, the alleyway. It was right on the main road Zim would HAVE to walk. Dib just hoped that Zim wouldn't cosider walking on the other side.  
  
Once Zim walked past, Dib would grab him, force him up against the wall and then demand the answers to his questions, like "Why the hell do you have a job as a stripper?" and "Is this another plan for world domination huh Zim? Getting all the women to fall in love with you?". . .Stuff like that.  
  
Or. . .  
  
An evil thought struck him as he recalled an image of Zim in a G. Pole dancing.  
  
Or. . .  
  
. . .He could do something much *much* better. . .  
  
Dib tensed as light quick footsteps came into his hearing range. Whoever it was was in a hurry.  
  
It HAD to be Zim.  
  
//Whoo ha!//  
  
Just as the person walked past Dib lunged out and grabbed it's arm.  
  
"GAH! INSUFFERABLE STINKBEAST LET GOOO!!!"  
  
Yep, Zim alright.  
  
Dib smirked and pushed the shorter being up against the grimy brick wall. Though Zim had grown a bit in the past few years, he was still a lot shorter then others. In fact, the top of his head only came up to Dib's shoulder.  
  
"No I will not let you go Zim," Dib said calmy, despite the fact that Zim was now twisting around in his grip and trying to kick him, "I want answers."  
  
"I'm afraid I do not know what you are talking about. NOW LET ME GO!"  
  
Mmyep. The last time Dib had heard that particular phrase he had been turning into a bologna boy. Courtesy of the person in front of him.  
  
"Right, I believe you," Dib replied, putting as much sarcasm as he could in his words.  
  
"Stupid wormbaby! I don't -"  
  
"Yes you do, and if you do not start answering my questions I will. . .er. . .do something horrible to you!"  
  
"GRRRR. . . FINE! I will answer your stupid stinkbeast questions and then you will let the ALMIGHTY ZIM go. . .Dib-stink? What are you doing?"  
  
"Mmmm?" Dib murmured as he inched his body closer to Zim's, "Oh right, answers. Ok, first, why the hell do you work as a stripper in the *NIGHTFALL LOUNGE*?"  
  
"FOR THE MONEY AND - why are you getting so close!?"  
  
"I'm not getting close," Dib's face hovered inches above Zim's own.  
  
"Yes you ar-" Zim squeaked as he //finally// realised exactly what Dib had in mind, "AHHHH! RELEASE ME NOOOOWWWW!!"  
  
Dib sneered as Zim struggled, "I don't think so. After all I've got you right were I want you and I'm not gonna let this opportunity slip through my fingers."  
  
Dib was caught off guard as Zim suddenly kicked out with his legs, sending a blow to Dib's nether regions. He recoiled, letting go of Zim to cradle his hurt. . .part.  
  
Dib looked up to see Zim giving him a half smirk, half scowl, before the alien bolted out of the alley.  
  
"Damn him." Dib muttered to himself, before blacking out.  
  
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Sorta fixed up the ending, but it's still not as good as I'd like it to be. Ah well.  
  
Incorporated a bit more ZADR this time! Might make this into a chapter fic. . .  
  
Please R/R and tell me what you think! If you like it enough and then maybe I'll make it into a chapter fic! 


End file.
